God's Own Country

I'd been to Kerala for my cousin's wedding, several years ago. We were in Cochin, it was for a couple of days, it was busy and crowded and I came away unimpressed.

Early this year though, Kim and I made a slower, more relaxed trip, and it was blissful!

American Exports

When I think of European cafés, I think of little tables out on sunny pavements; whispering couples whiling away a lazy afternoon, grizzled old men discussing their youth over cups of cappuccino.

Starbucks though, seems to have brought a new type of coffee culture...

Embarrassment

I had an embarrassing moment last Saturday night, returning home from a party.

Making my way back, minding my own business, I was stopped by the cops.

That wasn't embarrassing though - I've been stopped by cops on the way home from parties before.

However, this time I was not driving - I was on a bicycle.

It was a first, definitely, but not the cause of embarrassment.

But... I was not the one riding. I was sitting on the crossbar, all hunched over, while my girlfriend pedalled us back home, when this police cruiser drew up beside us, lights flashing, and the officer requested us - on the loudspeaker - to kindly get off and walk back, while other Saturday night revellers gawked.

Now that's embarrassing!

Mannequin On The Move

Walking past the scores of designer labels on Rue du Marche this morning, I noticed a curious thing at one shop.

The three mannequins in the window appeared to be feeling the chill in the Geneva winter air.

Or perhaps they were just terribly excited by my presence there.

Whatever the cause, it left me a bit uncomfortable, like one of those portraits where the eyes seem to follow you wherever you go. Also, rather curious as to why mannequins would need such a high degree of anatomical correctness.


Today seemed to be quite the day for odd mannequins. The next shop, after the usual lineup of elegantly clad women, suddenly threw in an eyebrow-raiser.

Or maybe they'd just realized that the transvestite wallet was not being adequately targeted.

To Market, To Market

I don't like shopping as a rule, but I can easily see myself spending a couple of hours browsing at this place...

Duality

Browsing through The Economist, I came across the word plenum.

This is defined, I learned, as "a full assembly, as a joint legislative assembly".

Interestingly, plenum is also defined as "the state or a space in which a gas, usually air, is contained at a pressure greater than atmospheric pressure".

So: government, or gas under pressure - same word. Apt!

Mom In Geneva - Living The Swiss Dream

My mother discovers the chocolate section of Carrefour...



... and my bar at home is converted to Ye Olde Chocolate Shoppe (yup, those are blocks of chocolate, folks).

The Uffizi Experience

The Uffizi Gallery is arguably one of the oldest and most famous art museums in the world. Built in the 16th century in Florence, it today welcomes over 1.5 million visitors annually.

But keep in mind that "uffizi" means "offices", and the Palazzo degli Uffizi was originally built to house government offices. And even today, 5 centuries later, a government office is a government office...

The Warning

... and while you're doing that, the old ones will rob you blind!

Has Russell Peters Seen This?

Somebody gonna get a-hurt... real bad!

Hiking The Cinque Terre: Signs

After hiking in Switzerland, Italian trail signs can leave one rather nonplussed...



... but the gelato at the end of the trail is well worth the confusion!

Lazy Day Along The Orbe

A lazy summer day in Geneva, and you're not quite up for anything strenuous, but not prepared to just loll in bed the whole day. The hike from Vallorbe to Orbe, along the Orbe river, is the perfect answer.

Starting at the little Swiss town of Vallorbe, the trail is a lightly wooded pathway that meanders over 17 kilometres of gentle ups and downs - enough to be interesting, without being taxing.

Rough tunnels hewn into rock, quaint little bridges, narrow
catwalks and calm pools all add to the allure.






The high point of the hike is a rustic lunch on the riverbank, in dappled sunlight amid moss-covered rocks: Chilled white wine, Swiss cheese and rough brown bread - bliss!

Next Stop...

Hey, don't look at me! I didn't name the place, just photographed it as the train went by.

Updation

There's nowt so queer as folk
        - Old English saying [1905 English Dialect Dict. IV. 304]

There's nowt so queer as queers
        - Tarun Theogaraj [2007 Geneva Lake Parade]

The Elephant Man

Joseph Merrick, the "Elephant Man" of the Victorian era, wanted to go to a hospital for the blind so that he could find a woman who wouldn't be repulsed by his appearance.

At the Geneva Lake Parade this year I encountered the Elephant Man of the new millenium - but something tells me he ain't having much trouble with the ladies...

My White Moustache

As a child, I invariably had one after gulping down a glass of milk.

I have to say though, I much prefer the Guinness!

Weighty Questions

"Does my ass look big in this?"

While this question has plagued women (and haunted men) since cavewomen suspiciously eyed their leopard-skin clad derrières in placid pools, I was surprised to learn that in Mauritania the cause for consternation is unusually different.

Reading through this news article I felt like a confused Alice lost in a bizarre looking-glass world, where the shape that every Mauritanian girl wants to get into is round.

But returning to the question - in the end it's all moot. Because every man, irrespective of geography, knows that there is no right answer to this one. Whether you live in Nouakchott or New York, if you hear it coming at you, just go and buy that apology bouquet.

Hail To The Chief

Saturday, 9th June 2007, on a deadline to UN talks on Kosovo's independence

Dubya: "In terms of a deadline, there needs to be one - it needs to happen."

Sunday, 10th June 2007, asked about specifics of the deadline mentioned the day before

Dubya: "First of all, I don't think I called for a deadline"

(Leader of the Free World is reminded that he had, in fact, mentioned a deadline)

Dubya (surprised): "I did? What exactly did I say? I said, ‘Deadline?’ OK, yes, then I meant what I said."

When Reagan was elected in 1981, there was mild unhappiness in some circles at having an actor in the White House... wonder what those same circles think about having a clown.

Notre Dame (sorry, no Fighting Irish here)

Whether due to its ornate beauty or just wonder at the history it must have seen since it's construction in the 12th century in one of Europe's most fascinating cities, my first sight of the Cathédrale de Notre Dame de Paris left me speechless. Thereafter of course, trusty tourist reflexes kicked in and I proceeded to photograph it from every possible angle.

If you plan to go up the tower, the longish wait in the queue, and subsequent climb up 387 steps, is well worth it. Not for the little bookshop filled with touristy kitsch that you have to pass through on the way up, but for the undeniably spectacular view of Paris that you get to share with the north tower's gargoyles.

And gazing in awe at the 13 tonne bell Emmanuel (hey don't ask me, I didn't name the bells!), you can well imagine Quasimodo hunching along the very walkway you stand on.

The eastern view is of a more brooding structure, or perhaps I just happened to see it on a cloudy, gloomy day, when I took this snap from the deck of one of the Batobus boats that ply the Seine.

Wrong Impressions

Standing in the balcony enjoying a pleasant evening, your gaze happens to wander to the open window of the apartment across the street. You see a young man: shirtless, sweating. You can't make out much, but it's clear that he's bent over at the waist, and from the look on his face he's straining at something...

Would your face register an expression of mild shock? I can tell you, my neighbour's certainly did!

Next time I close the shutters when I'm working out.

Remember when...?

Glancing through Patrick de Sousa's wonderfully maintained Campion website recently, I happened upon the anecdotes section and was immediately transported back to a world of wonder and innocence - of mischievous pranks, of fighting like cats and dogs and making up the next day, of living in the present without a care for past or future.
I've reproduced one here for flavour, but it's really worth checking out - not just if you're an ex-Campionite, but if you were ever a schoolkid:

Stephen D'Lima going into hysterical laughter when Fr. Miranda was telling us about the 'Johari Window' ? This was some kind of window into your inner self and how it would help you to feel your body or something. Now, why Fr. chose to say this to a bunch of 15 year olds, I will never know... but I digress. Anyway, Stephen is in the throes of absolutely uncontrollable laughter and Fr. Miranda asks him to stand up because he doesn't think he was paying attention. And of course the very action of standing up sends Stephen into even greater convulsions of laughter. Meanwhile, the entire class is laughing at Stephen laughing . Stephen easily had the most contagious laughter of anyone in class with Navin Prabhu being a potential second.

For me, Paul Simon said it best:

Time it was, and what a time it was, it was...
A time of innocence, a time of confidences.
Long ago it must be, I have a photograph.
Preserve your memories, they're all that's left you.

Household Tips For Single Guys

So you're a single guy and obviously have better things to do with your time than 'household work'. Ever helpful and generous, I share with you the accumulated wisdom of the last few years (I wanted to make it "Top 10 Tips...", but I obviously haven't accumulated all that much!)

• Tip: Nobody ever believes that your house is that way because you're actually doing serious research in Chaos Theory - but hey, give it a shot anyway.
• Tip: Referring to her affectionately as Eensy Weensy might just convince people she's a pet. You get some strange looks, but at least you don't have to clean out the cobwebs.
• Tip: Working out regularly will ensure you vacuum - anyone who's done a set of situps with a sweaty back on a dirty floor knows exactly what I mean.
• Tip: No, your sneakers aren't hidden away in some secret compartment in the fridge... but throwing away that 3 month old cheese might solve the mystery
• Tip: If you step out of your jeans and they remain standing of their own accord - that's when it's time to wash them.
• Tip: Just because you left it out doesn't mean it's no longer edible - just think 'penicillin'.

I'd love to share more, but I have to go throw out that damn cheese...

Progress?

As a kid, chemistry was my weak subject and I went through a bit of stress whenever I had a test.

It seems from the news that kids today still have the stress of tests...

Faith is a wonderful thing

A picture recently mailed in by a friend prompted me to do a bit of checking up online, and I was rather astonished to find that the 'Afghan Church', just down the road from where I lived in Mumbai, has a Wikipedia entry.

Close inspection of the first picture in the Wikipedia article shows a little yellow board, used to display inspirational messages to make you think.

Some of them just make you think a bit more than others (and most ungodly thoughts at that)...

Hey Diddle Diddle

Picture yourself, not in a boat on a river, but in a gently sloping alpine meadow. The sun is shining gently, skies are blue and the weather is balmy. Look around, what do you see in your mind's eye? Colourful flowers, the last of the melting snow, fir trees along the fringes, a bathtub on the grass, birds twittering in... hold on a minute! Bathtub??

That's what I said!




"It's for the cows", Francis said, and for a fleeting instant my mind was flooded with images of happy Swiss bovines splashing away, complete with loofahs and little rubber duckies. He must have realized what a dumb guy I am, because he immediately added "... to drink".

I replied with a slightly disappointed "Oh", but couldn't stop this reworked nursery rhyme from bouncing about in my head for the remainder of the hike:

Hey Diddle Diddle

The cat and the fiddle

The cow splashed about in the tub

The little dog gleefully pushed her under

And sniggered to hear her go "Blub"

"Est-ce que vous parlez..." - aah, screw it!

Well, it's back to blogging after a longish hiatus - I'd like to give 'work' as my excuse but I'm compelled to admit that 'lazy' played a role too.

There's been little thinking and even less traveling lately, and the Thought Traveler is a bit short on material; but having recently completed a year in Geneva, perhaps it's time to review my progress (or lack thereof) in French.

So, let's see... when was the last time I successfully managed that French 'r'? I've prounounced my colleague Laurent's name correctly only once, when I had the flu. Since my correct pronounciation is accompanied by the questionable side effect of hawking phlegm at the addressee, I shall not award myself any points for that. Strike one!

Oh well, pronounciation isn't everything, I tell myself consolingly. What's important is to be able to understand, and this is somewhat simplified by the similarity of French and English words. You don't have be a genius to figure out that "c'est amusant" means "it's amusing", or "elle est interessante" is "she's interesting". On the other hand, to "demander quelque chose" sounds much more imperious than it is. I just can't bring myself to say it and remain convinced that I'm being polite. Strike two!

Having attempted to put my French to practical use, I can give you the benefit of some valuable experience: to compliment a woman, I can't guarantee that the rather amateur "Tu as un jolie sourire" ("You have a pretty smile") will light up her eyes; I can assure you a look of pure bafflement if you attempt the (to me) identical sounding "Tu as une jolie souris" ("You have a pretty mouse"). Strike three!

Or I should say strike trois, which brings me to my pet peeve - counting in French. I'm not going to pass judgement on whether one can count on the French, but I can certainly tell you that when it comes to counting in French, there's absolutely no reliability. Sure, it's smooth sailing to start off with - you have your standard zero to nine, or zero à neuf. Fairly logical beyond as well, with numbers like vingt, trente, quarante, and vingt-trois, trente-quatre, quarante-cinq making you think it's a breeze. But just as you're thinking all's well, you have a bit of a hiccup after sixty-nine (there's a statement loaded with Freudian possibility). For after soixante-neuf, you hit... soixante-dix? And sixty-ten was just the left jab setting you up for the roundhouse KO of quatre-vingt. That's right, after soixante-dix neuf (sixty nineteen, or just plain seventy-nine to me) you get four-twenties. Huh? The numerical logic is unquestionable, but I now have to add a mathematical step to my translation process - and when I'm trying to tell the barmaid that she's given me the wrong change after my 6th beer... good luck!

Will I be sufficiently fluent to impress my parents when they visit me in August? I can't say. What is sure is that as soon as I can speak French, the mysterious logic of the powers that be will compel them to send me some place like Franfurt.

Umm.... "mich, entschuldigst du sprichst Englisch?"

Oh-ho!

Having been in the Navy for over 30 years, my father is a veteran of regular transfers. And very organized when it comes to packing. We had a kitchen box. A linen box. A book box. And of course, like most good 'Defence' families, we had an 'Oh-ho!' box. To the uninitiated, this is the shabby, battered box that remains empty till the end - and then, to the accompaniment of distressed cries of "Oh-ho! Where do we dump this?", rapidly fills up. Yup, we had one of these when I was a kid. Towards the end, we had three!

I recently moved house - just across town, no big distance. And, having come to Geneva 10 months ago with just 20kg of check-in and 10 kg of cabin baggage, it should have been no big deal. After all, how much junk could I have accumulated in 10 months? Yeah, right!

I never figured that I would have an 'Oh-ho!' situation. But for some reason, after all the 'essential' packing was done, I was left with sundry items that I'd held on to because well, they would come in use - someday. So I stuffed the side pockets of my knapsack with the dozen Biros, the little ziploc bags with the assorted spare buttons that came with the trousers I've bought, the random assortment of computer cables that magically materialized in my house, the little twirly wire thingies used to wrap up the cables neatly (there's gotta be a name for these!) ... and other odds and ends.

Laugh at me if you must, but there's a good reason why I'm lugging all this junk around with me. It's because I know when I'm going to use it. Oh yes, I know exactly when I'm going to need the little yellow cable with the green stripe and the funny shaped connector at either end. It's exactly the week after I've thrown it out.

Oh-ho!

Politically Incorrect

Just when I thought Indian politics couldn't get any funnier... it did! Here's a few headlines about the newly formed Democratic Indira Congress (Karunakaran).....








Funny, I didn't know you could plan it!


Yeah! Stand up tall and proud



And that's just creepy! Or is the "talks with" a printing error?

Embarrassment

"It's a Halloween party", she said. "If you don't wear makeup or a costume you'll stand out like a sore thumb."

You can just see where this story's going, can't you?



To be honest, I was ok with the fact that I was one of the few daring (silly?) ones in black eyeliner and Dracula teeth. But I learned that, no matter how nonchalantly you say it, there's no cool way to tell the guy waiting behind you in the men's room that he can go ahead because "I'll take a little while to remove my makeup"

Move Over, Lobo

To quote Lobo (the singer, not the wrestler), "I guess that I am just a simple man".

I think my last post has already established that I just don't get the subtleties of art. In this one, I lay bare my ignorance of fashion.

While in Paris a couple of weeks ago, I was engaged in the usual touristy activities in the fashion capital of the world, when I came across this bit of nought couture that baffled the socks off of me.

Sigh! I guess that I am just a simple man.